Loosing my “ho-ho”

I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays !!
I have slacked big time on blog posts. Between appointments, Christmas shopping, baking, parties, it gets exhausting and at the end of the day instead of blogging. I’m sleeping, or catching up on my DVR.

All of my life Christmas has been my most FAVOURITE time of year. It was never because I knew Santa was coming, or because I was going to get gifts. I loved the holiday season for the giving, for the family that I never otherwise see. It was always about the happiness the holidays brought, the decorations, baking with my mom and my sister, seeing all of my little cousins excited for Santa (pre babies and post childhood) i loved how excited my aunt was every year. She decked out her yard and her home, it was truly as if the North Pole had vomited everywhere. How every night since I can remember, “twas the night before Christmas” was read, which has sense carried on. I loved working retail as crazy as it sounds. I worked long stressful hours, but loved the rush. The last minute shoppers and the joyful elders who were just looking for the new “hip” thing for their grandkids.

Then, there was this year.

Since I have moved nearly 5000km away from home, I have still decorated like the North Pole vomited everywhere. My mother in law still reads me “twas the night before Christmas” on Christmas Eve, and I am surrounded by excited nieces and nephews and children of my own. Seven to be exact, all in the same house at the same time.the girls get together and spend a day or two baking enough for an army. We also have a visit from Santa on Christmas Eve just to get those children get home and in bed. It’s stressful, beautiful, happy and fun.

I’m not sure what happened this year.
I’m not sure if it is the stress of dealing with Bubs. Continuing to suffer from a little PPD, having hubs away from home more then home. , going through some life changes, as well as everyone around me doing the same. I’ve been asked if my parents recent separation comes into play, or if it’s because it’s the fourth year I have been away from home..

There was no Christmas spirit. There was no anxiety, or stress. There was no crazy countdowns, no baking. No excessive shopping, and sitting down to wrap gifts was more of a pain then a pleasure. I was so behind and everything as last minute. My tree got up and the remaining decorations remained untouched in their boxes.

I’ve thought a lot about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that I have lost my Christmas spirit. I have turned into the grinch.

Christmas Eve was spent hungover from hubs birthday, rushing around like little last minute elves to try and get everything together to head to the In laws. Christmas morning I wasn’t awoken by anyone excited to get the show in the road. Bubs wasn’t excited about gifts or the fact that Santa had come. Maybe he is still to young to understand since he is still asking when santas coming, I just wasn’t into it.
Bubs and a few of his cousins were sick, dinner was late, and no one else had seemed to be feeling it.
Going to bed Christmas night, in my nice new duvet from Santa in law. I was relieved that the day was over. I wasnt exhausted from the excitement and the stress, I was exhausted from pretending,
I thought to myself, why put so much into one day. What makes Christmas so special.

Then I concluded. It’s not about the gifts. Giving or receiving. It’s not about the turkeys, the pies, Santa. It’s not about the decorations, the lights or the story. The only thing Christmas is about for me now, is the family. The fact that near and far I get to spend the day surrounded by the people who love me unconditionally. Be it hugs, phone calls, FaceTime. The holidays to me are about that. Waking up and just having everyone together, at some point.

People put so much time and money in for one day. I don’t judge anyone who does or continues to do so, but from now on my holidays will be a little different. I will be happy for the laughs, for the tears, the joys, the memories, the mishaps.

That being said I would like to share some of my favourite memories of Christmas past, in no particular order by any means. I don’t remember how old I was when some of these things happened, major mommy brain !
– the first Christmas that my big cousin was home from Australia. I was about 14 and he was so excited to sit my sister and I down and read us ’twas the night before Christmas. As he has read it nearly every year to us on Christmas Eve when we were little.
-Christmas at my grandparents (my dads side) and opening the little Christmas crackers with my grandfather. There wasn’t one hear they didn’t have them for us. We were always required to wear the little tissue paper crowns that came inside of them 🙂
-My neighbour/dads friend always coming down in Christmas morning with his champagne and orange juice and playing with my sister and I am our new toys. Wow I was really young then.
-how excited we all were to go to Christmas dinner with my moms side of the family. It was always so awesome !


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