Having children is no doubt a life changing experience. it starts the second that little pink plus sign shows up on the pee drenched stick.
Today marks 4 years since I found out I was expecting my first bundle of snot. I remember the time, the place, and the look on that sweet old ladies face the moment I walked out of the bathrooms stall. Sitting at work, it hit me like a bus. Before I had even took a test and confirmed, I had known. I had called my sister, who laughed in disbelief. I rushed to the drug store on my break, I don’t think I have ever ran so quick threw a mall.
I was twenty-three years old. I worked four jobs, enjoyed partying with the girls, dancing until all hours of the morning, sleeping until all hours of the afternoon. I shopped until I dropped, and sometimes drank the same way. I spent my days and nights wherever the wind took me. I truly enjoyed my life. I enjoyed my freedom. I had recently been accepted into a Welding course at my local Community college, and had been secretly saving before telling anyone. I had been happily single, up until a few months before when I was swept off of my feet. This was because he lived life as fast as I did.
Little did we both know, that was all about to change. At least for me.
I hovered over that toilet in the restroom of the mall, and my mind raced. Those three minutes waiting, were the longest of my 23 years. Then, there it was, a big, pink +. “Fuck sakes” was the first and only though, and the only words that came tumbling out of my mouth. As I exited the stall, a little older lady stood, worried. “I’m gonna be a mom” I said proceeding to wash my hands. “God bless” she said before walking out of that bathroom.
I will never forget the reactions of my loved ones. My boyfriend had other plans, and I soon found myself a single, expecting mama.
My life, what I had thought was over.
The upcoming months, everything had changed. My friends did not seem like my friends any longer, I was growing and preparing for something I had yet to even think of at my age and point in life. My family became over protective. During that time I had struggled a lot with emotions, who I was, who I was becoming, and frankly what the hell I was to do.
Never for a minute did I think of the alternatives. I am the furthest away from being religious in any means, but I truly believed this had happened for a reason. The next few months, as my belly had grown, so did my love for this being I was creating. I was expecting a boy, I had made a solid plan, started to deal with the big belly bump, found the love of my life, picked out a name, set up baby stuff, and everything was coming together. Although, I seemed to struggle still with the up and coming events. As my friends were out tipping back beers, and dancing on speakers, I was home folding baby clothes and reading pre natal books.
The big day had come. After 16 hours of excruciating labor, and two hours of the most insane workout I ever done, my bub was born. When they had placed that gross, screaming baby upon my chest, I then knew what love felt like. I then knew that being a mom was my calling. Never in a million years did I ever feel so sure about anything. Although there were a lot of things in my life I may have failed at, I was not about to fail at being his mother.
I had no idea what I was doing. Fortunately the hubs and I had lived in my parents basement (As situations changed, so did the income) I was lucky to have my moms help, lord knows I didn’t have a clue what to do. I was also lucky to have had Hubs who had a son of his own, He had been down the baby road before. Although Bub wasn’t his by blood, you better believe he was his in every other way.
Anyone will tell you life changes after becoming a parent. Hell, some people will even elaborate and it will scare you.
You will lose touch with your friends, but they weren’t really true anyways
You will be exhausted, you wont sleep until noon for at least 18 years.
You will no longer have freedom, babysitters and grandmas become a treat, not a right.
You will no longer spend hours getting ready for date night, a brief shower and a coat of mascara may make you feel like a princess.
Even when going out on a date night or girls night, in the back of your mind you’ll be counting down the minutes until your back with your babies.
You will forget what its like to shower without an audience, and learn to go fast to avoid the wee one from pointing out your body parts and telling you where to wash next.
You will learn that your children can be just like you. Which I swear is a curse your mother puts on you when your a child yourself, I have a toddler whom I think is more stubborn then me.
Life changes, and as hard as it can be to adjust. It is all of what you make it. I have since added another addition to our family, and I could never picture my life in any other way. My heart couldn’t be any more full. Hubs goes to work, and I maintain the home. Although stressful, I think I am lucky.
My days now consist of play dates, daycare, swimming, cooking, cleaning, soothing, feeding, bathing etc. Some days I don’t even remember to brush my hair, let alone call my best friend or my mom. I see my friends every few weeks, although they are only a few blocks away. We try and keep as busy as possible, although just waking up is busy enough some days. Everyday is a mystery, and I never know what to expect. That is one thing I am thankful for.
I no longer worry about which bar I am going to go to tonight or what I am going to wear. Now its planning dinner, what I am going to say to bribe bub to go to bed, or what we are going to watch for a movie when the kids finally sleep (and by watch I mean rest my eyes for two hours)
The only thing I wish I had now, that I had then is the ability to run on little to no sleep. I am a walking zombie a lot of days, and Im surprised I’m not treated as such and put out of my misery by innocent bystanders.
I wouldn’t trade these long, dragged out days for anything in the world. I truly believe that my life has changed for the better.